There has been a recurring theme in the questions from my clients. Many people seem to be doing well getting the first date, but for some reason, can’t seem to get a second date and want to know why. This article will focus on a few things guys and girls can do to have fun, express interest and get that second date.
Tips for Men:
1) Express genuine interest. Make sure you are in the seat facing the wall, not facing the main part of the restaurant or bar. This will allow you to focus your attention on her and not be distracted by anybody walking behind her. Listen intently to everything she says. Nod your head in agreement if she says something you like.
2) Compliment something, but don’t overdo it. Instead of saying “You are so beautiful,” say “I really like your sweater.” Make sure the compliment is sincere and don’t repeat the compliment again. A well-placed, honest compliment will go far.
3) Let her speak more about herself than you do about yourself. People tend to think they know the other person better than they actually do when they are allowed to speak at length about themselves. I know it sounds strange, but try it on your next date. Speak less, listen more.
4) Test the waters. If she says that she likes baseball, perhaps respond by saying “Maybe we could go to a game next week.” You are probing her feelings and can learn a lot about how she feels by her response.
5) Make sure you pay. A guy should pay for the first few dates in a new relationship. Be a gentleman and do the right thing. Even if she offers to split the bill, don’t let her.
6) Express your interest. At the end of the date, tell her that you would like to see her again. However, if you have no intention of calling, you must never say, “I will call you.” That is a cardinal sin. If you have no interest, just thank her for a nice evening and say goodbye. It will lead to fewer problems going forward when she expects to hear from you.
Tips for Women:
1) Be yourself. Don’t only order a salad if you are hungry. Guys hate that. If you are hungry, feel free to order whatever you want. Relax and have fun.
2) Don’t ask how much money he makes. This is a total turnoff for a guy. It is irrelevant at this stage and, more importantly, none of your business.
3) Don’t talk about or compare ex-boyfriends. Not verbally or mentally. Not at all. Every guy is different and it isn’t fair to compare a guy to somebody else while on a date with a new guy.
4) Test the waters. Yes, a girl can also suggest doing something with her date the following week to see how he responds.
5) Don’t ask the guy out at the end of the date. Instead, tell him you had a nice time and see how he reacts. Take control of the end of the date and put the ball in his court. If he asks you out again, great. If not, move on. There are plenty of other guys out there ready to go out with you.
I appreciate all of the comments and emails I have been getting over the past few months. Should there be a topic you would like me to write about in the future, please let me know. I look forward to hearing from you.
Alex is the publisher of Loveawake dating site, which launched in July 2009 and has been providing original free dating services and relationship advices, tips, articles, reviews, and videos to readers ever since.