If there is one experience you can be sure we are all going to have to work with at some point in our lives, it is grief. No matter who you are, at some point someone close to you is going to die, and when this happens you need to know how you are going to deal with it. Most people don’t prepare themselves for this experience, but it is a wise move to try and get ready for it in some way or another. The more prepared you are, the more likely you are to manage it well, and the sooner you can move on when it hits.
Don’t Expect To Forget
One illusion that many people have when they first experience grief is this idea that they will one day get to the point where they have forgotten it, or where they no longer ever think about the death of the person in particular. But this is simply not realistic. The truth is, you are almost certainly going to remember your grief for the rest of your life, and the more prepared you are for that, the better a chance of overcoming the grief you have. While you will never forget it, that doesn’t mean you won’t assimilate it into your being in a useful way, as you probably will. But try not to assume you will ever completely get rid of it.
Feel The Feelings
There are so many feelings associated with bereavement and grief. At first, it can be a shock just how many feelings you have rattling around in response to someone dying. But the important thing to do is not to push those feelings away, as can feel natural, but rather to feel them as fully as you possibly can. You are likely to experience a great deal of sadness, depression, anger, denial and disbelief, outrage, and maybe even just numbness. All of these are valid and normal, and you should try your hardest to feel them as fully as possible. Although they are difficult, feeling them fully is going to make it so much easier and quicker to overcome them.
Ride The Waves
Something you will soon come to discover about grief is that it tends to come in waves. You can expect it to come and go, with some days being a lot worse than others. This can be confusing at first, but once you accept that this is just the rhythm of grief, you can then start to ride the waves as best as you can. Learning to ride the waves of grief is not easy, but there is only one way to do it, and that is to do it. It’s all a part of trying to accept a new reality, one in which the person you loved is no longer around, and the wave-like function of grief is a way of your brain trying to make sense of things and assimilate this new experience as best as it can.
Get Help With The Practical Stuff
There is always so much practical stuff that you need to think about when someone dies, and very often it is this that can actually be the most upsetting. Most people will find it difficult to think about all of the funeral-related stuff, and it can often seem impossible when you are struggling with the feelings of grief anyway. To make it easier, simply make a point of asking for help. You can always find guidance and help with grief from Memorials.com or similar sources, or you can simply ask the people around you for practical help.
Meet Your Basic Needs
When you are wallowing in depression and grief, it can be so difficult to remember or have the energy to meet your basic needs. However, this is something that you are going to have to do if you want to move on and keep on looking after yourself. These basic needs include things like ensuring you are eating, drinking water and even moving around a little. You might find you forget about these things, or that you are finding yourself forgetting to wash yourself or brush your teeth. As far as possible, try to do these things, without beating yourself up if you fail to do so.
Understanding Delayed Grief
Everyone grieves in their own way, and for some people this comes in the form of something known as delayed grief. This is just when it takes a while for the grief to really settle in. It can be unsettling for a lot of people, and often it comes with a feeling of shame attached to it. But there is nothing to be ashamed about at all. All grief is relative and it is all valid, and if you find yourself having delayed grief, then that’s just who you are. It can be difficult to feel as though you are not grieving ‘right’ so you need to make sure that you are doing everything you can to remind yourself that there is no right or wrong when it comes to how to grieve. As long as you remember that, and as long as the people around you remember it, you should find that you feel much better about it, and simply allow yourself to grieve in whatever way you need to.
Watch Your Emotions For Clues
If you are finding yourself wondering how it is going and how the grieving process is working out, there is one clear litmus test you can always look to: your emotions. By paying close attention to what your emotions are doing, you should be able to determine whether you are doing well or not. If you find that you are getting sudden upsurges of powerful emotions out of nowhere, or huge mood swings, then that is something to be expected, and it probably means that you are still grieving heavily. So make sure that you are keeping a close eye on your emotions as best as you can.
